"Bring out your dead"

It's 4 am.

Our baby is slowly transforming us into zombies.

Must get up and answer the wailing call of the little torturer. It's so dark and I'm so groggy. I proceed to track down the source of the sobs, stepping on squeaky, rubber animals, and bumping into sharp corners of ambushing furniture.

I have become the walking dead.

"Why, baby, why can't you sleep?"

3 1/2 hours into sleep, just getting settled into a nice, cozy dream, and now here I am, abruptly changing a diaper and trying to soothe her frantic cries. Oh, I curse the fact that I had to stay up and watch that god-awful movie, and finish that bottle of wine. At least the wine was good.

I'm sluggish today. Exhausted and fried. Sleep deprivation is an enemy I never want to do battle with. Please, Vivian, please have mercy on us. Ha-ha-ha. Sounds funny begging, but desperation creates uneasy alliances. If you come in and see us, bleary eyed and non-responsive, don't panic, we're not zombies. Well, not the zombies that moan and seek out human brains, that is. Maybe zombies that crave a hearty Zin or a silky Albarino.

Yeah, wine zombies, I like that.

By the way, I do love zombie stories. You know, anything dealing with end of the world scenarios is fun, as long as it's purely fiction. Not ready for the real thing. At least, not yet.

If a zombie plague hit the area right now, would you be ready? It's good to have a zombie contingency plan ready to enact, just in case.

You never know. Big Pharm just might be working on some new virus killer that mutates horribly wrong, waking the dead from their restful grave and hungry for human flesh.

If that happens, don't rely on guns, oh no, too much can go wrong:

(1) run out of, or don't have enough ammo.

(2) it's not as easy as it looks to hit a moving, growling target in the head. Only head shots can bring them down, so they say.

(3) gun fire attracts more zombies. That can't be good.

(4) always have to reload at the worst times, like when they're right on top of you. Then you have to either fumble with a new clip, or load another bullet into the chamber. Stressful.

Better to have a bladed weapon, like a Katana sword. Don't have to worry about it jamming, backfiring, or reloading it. Just swing and take out your aggression, and hopefully you're in shape and have lots of adrenalin flowing to keep up with the horde of masses trying to eat you. And, hell, they just look cool. Who doesn't look like a bad ass with a Katana sword strapped to your back?

Oh, and make sure you have enough wine at home, in case of an emergency like this, because you'll need all that you can drink to get through it.

James

aka wine zombie